boils the blood and bends the bones?
Previously proposed to be
a sick cephalopod,
a sprouting seed,
in evidently failed hallucinatory attempts
of symbolic elaboration.
Trauma response.
Plain, simple, obvious, dull, predictable
thirty plus year old psychosomatic
gunk stuck on the inside,
making scrubbing efforts nothing but pointless.
The shouting, the crying,
the tensing of every muscle fiber at its climax.
Preceded by a looming sense of dread
in antecipation of the programmed assault,
though legal by any means of definition.
Not to mention the unpredictable rampants
spewed wall-corroding bile demanding imediate shelter seeking.
Regrettably, a sound proof bunker was never available.
And who could ever forget!
The apparent saviour, but equally crippling
agressive hugging to overcompensate
being repeatedly stripped of the senses
of security, dignity, stability, and non violent love.
"I never want to feel those things again,
Even if I don't get to feel most other things at all".
It should be damn illegal for preschoolers to be able to forge
such demonic pacts unsupervised, while obviously lacking
the necessary tools to undersand the deep implications of
such devious contract in the development of its emotional health,
sense of self worth, and ever so slim chances of feeling complete
from
then
on.
But yet,
at the speed of an intrusive thought
a deal was made.
The pinpoint birth of an agrimony child.
An unruly desire to be good. More than that.
Obedient. Cheerful.
Oriko.
One might probably argue that there definitely much worst fates
than a happily repressed carefree kodomo,
and I wouldn't have the arguments to combat that.
War, expatriation, hunger.
The right to complain was lost generations ago.
Now at the edge of forty.
Divorced. Lost.
Still running after the prototype that didn't fit me anymore when I was eight.
Exhausted by my own relentless drive.
I just can't do this anymore.
I find myself where I started.
An empty room with donated furniture.
Something that shouldn't be a table because there is no leg room.
At least the window is wider this time.
Hopefully I have a better chance of finding home.
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