Take time

I know you're afraid of taking that deep dark look into your soul.
You're going to see things that just might push you off the edge.
But it's suicide either way.

The only difference is that the path you're currently travelling
has only one unavoidable bad ending,
even if far away.
The other will hurt like hell right away,
and few bear to survive the pain.

I have no reason to stay.
That's why I run so much.
Hoping something I already have,
or is at least within plausible reach
could give meaning.

Work doesn't.
Friends don't.
Writing doesn't.
Self improvement doesn't.
Leisure doesn't.
Money doesn't.
A lover shouldn't
(It's too heavy a burden, he'll walk away in no time).

I don't know what else to try...

The life I was offered,
the one where happiness was promised,
is a lie.

I can only assure such statement
after decades of frantically running.
I achieved all goals, ticked all boxes.
Behaved like a good boy.
Even briefly tasted bliss
only to have it taken away.

What's the point of working so hard for so long
if thaere's a huge chance it won't last forever?